Just Stick a Pair of Glasses on That Guy and No One Will Be Able to Tell He's Santa!

I was just thinking... Santa would make an awesome superhero, wouldn't he? Sure, our favorite comic companies and TV shows have teased this idea already (Just recently I saw episodes of both My Life as a Teenage Robot and Atomic Betty that had fun with this concept. There was also that JLA issue from the Waid run and wasn't there a Marvel Christmas special where Santa nearly joined the X-men?), but these have all been cameos and one-shot ideas. I'm talking full-time superherodom here. Think about it:

-Santa knows when you've naughty or nice: clearly the man has a spy network to rival that of Batman. But, unlike the OMAC satellite, this espionage network won't be stolen by no horribly-written Maxwell Lord. Partially because Lord's all dead and stuff and partially because he would never risk getting crossed off the nice list. But that's besdie the point. santa has the ability to keep tabs on EVERYONE. That ability has to be the ultimate in crime prevention!

-Santa bribery: Continuing the idea of Santa knowing whether you're naughty or nice, you better believe any crook Santa confronts will repent. Otherwise no Xbox 360 under the tree for them.

-Santa's been around for a long, loooong time: Immortality? Seems so. Might this also include a healing factor? Probably. All those immortals see to heal right quick so it seems a logical connection. And the kids love them those healing factors...

-Santa security: With all the neat goodies the big has to deliver, he's a likely target for thieves. For the security of both himself and the presents, the big guy will obviously have to be able to handle himself in a fight. What a great guy! Willing to put it all on the line just so you can get those Bratz dolls you always wanted!

-Santa's free-time: Just what does he do those other 364 1/4 days of the year when he's not delivering presents? Being the generous guy he is, I figure he doesn't just lounge around on his duff. Instaed, he probably does something helpful and kind. Out on patrol then, looking for crimes to stop? Hmm...

-Santa's mobility: This guy is fast! How else can he hit all the houses of the world in one night? Superspeed to rival that of Superman and the Flash? Time travel abilities that allow him to relive Christmas eve as long as necessary to get the job done? Robot doubles? Why, these are all staples of the superhero genre, ain't they?

-Santa wrapping: With all the presents that need wrapping, I would bet Santa pitches in to help his elves during the Christmas crunch. The guy is probably excellent at wrapping and, by extension... tying! The perfect skill to prevent those pesky thieves from escaping before the authorities show!

-Santa's claws: Yeah, it's an obvious pun. And a bad one. But I can't resist stuff like that. So, Santa has claws now. He's badass. To the extreme!

-Santa's bitchin' wheels!: Okay, that's a bit of a fudge; the sleigh isn't exactly a car and not quite as cool as, say, the Batmobile, but paint some flames on that sucker and it'll be one tricked-out ride! And who doesn't love a superhero with an awesome vehicle.

-Santa's posse: I'm sure Santa's as tough as they come, but when he gets in serious trouble, you better believe he's got back-up: Elves, reindeer and his loving wife. Just give them some knives and shotguns and they'll be able to take anything that comes their way. Or maybe they can be trained to fight bears!

Add in his costume and secret lair up in the North Pole and, clearly, Santa would be an awesome super-hero. Did I miss any other superhero-ish things?

Your Mom and Aquaman!

Because I'm too lazy to write my own material, it's time for some link-blogging. Dave's Long Box demonstrates the juvenile wonder that is the "Your Mom" joke while Scipio's Aquaman write-up at The Absorbascon has me more interested in the character than I have ever been.

Best Wedding Ever?

Back in October, Jim Balent and his finacee got married. Best wedding ever? Doesn't sound like it, does it. But when i tell you they had a Star Wars theme, I think you'll agree with me.

Guilty of a Crime I Didn't Commit...

I'm not happy with the moderation at tv.com. Several threads have been completely deleted because a few posters went off topic. Many of us, however, stayed on topic and now our work is gone and we've been punished, all because some moderator couldn't be bothered to be more exacting.

So I've taken them to task. Right here, in fact.

If you're a tv.com user and have experienced this sort of problem, feel free to contribute to the discussion. If that doesn't describe you, but you still feel strongly about the issue, by all means, also join in. If you think I'm a prick for doing this, go ahead and post as well... but don't expect me to like you for it.

As always, my tv.com username is magnus4001.

Super-Hero Team-Ups I'd Love to See! (But Probably Never Will)

I was out walking earlier and, somehow, got to thinking about super-hero team-ups that would be great to see, but which we, most likely, will never get. (Yeah, this really IS the sort of thing I think about while out walking. Pity me if you like) So,for your enjoyment, here they are:

Sailor Moon & Batman

Uh oh! Our klutzy, but lovable heroine, Sailor Moon, is in trouble again! This latest monstrous threat has her trapped! Nowhere to go! Nothing to do! How will she ever survive!?

At the last possible moment, something bolts through the air and embeds itself in the ground in front of the villain! Shocked, the monster halts her deadly advance.

Sailor Moon has seen this before. A rose, thrown in a villain's path to mark the arrival of her protector and lover, the ever-reliable Tuxedo Mask!

But wait! That's no rose! It's... a bat-a-rang?!

Yeah. I'd pay to see this.

Magnus, Robot Fighter & Iron Man

A guy who can smash steel with his bare hands and a guy in a metal suit. You want a great super-hero vs. super-hero smackdown? Here ya go!

Captain Marvel (DC/Fawcett), Captain Marvel (Marvel) & Marvelman/Miracleman

Captain Marvel (The Fawcett/DC version) was a young boy who could change into a fully-grown man with superpowers by shouting "Shazam!". Marvelman was a British knock-off of Marvel who was renamed Miracleman for legal reasons when he was brought to North America. Captain Marvel (the Marvel Comics version) was published so that Marvel Comics could hold onto the trademark. He was an alien warrior with several allusions to his predecessor, the Fawcett Marvel. This team-up would be... crazy, to say the least.

The Legion of Super-Heroes & The X-men

They don't call them the Legion for nuthin'. They're freakin' huge! Largest group of heroes around. Combine them with the X-men (and I mean ALL the current X-men. All four teams, including the New X-men. Heck, let's throw in Ultimate while we're at it!) and you'll have the biggest cast ever for a comic! Let's get George Perez to draw it!

The story would include: Cosmic Boy being presented with evidence that Magneto is his father, Saturn Girl having a telepathic love-affair with Cyclops, Chameleon Boy and Mystique masquerading as each other, Charles Xavier being dubbed "Brainiac 6", all the various iterations of Wolverine (one from each X-team, including Ultimate) taking Triplicate Girl on as his/their sidekick(s) and many more!

Daredevil & Sportacus

Two highly acrobatic super-heroes team-up against the Kingpin. To combat the mobster, Daredevil beats the tar out of him, while Sportacus lectures him on good eating habits.

The Thundercats & The WildC.A.T.s

Lion-O: "Thunder!... Thunder!!... Thunder!!!... Thundercats Ho-oooo!!!!"

Grifter: "Okay, buddy, you called and we came. What do you want?"

Lion-O: "Uhhh... who are you guys?"

Spartan: "We're the WildC.A.T.s. Can we help you with anything?"

Lion-O: "No... I don't think so. I was trying to call the THUNDERcats."

Voodoo: "Oops. Well, I guess we better go. Good luck calling those Thunderagents or whatever."

Lion-O: "That's ThunderCATS!"

Maul: "Yeah. Them."

Okay, so the Thundercats aren't technically super-heroes, but I just had to do this one.

****

Anyone else out there able to think of any other great (but unlikely) team-ups? Feel free to expand beyond the super-hero remit, if you like. I did.

It's Morphine Time!

Paul O'Brien, out of nowhere, has a need to talk about Power Rangers and how non-sensical their name is.

Shing-A-Ling-A! Off We Zing-A!

Do any of you out there in "No Man's Land" (that's what I'm going to start calling my audience, since I don't seem to have one. Yippee!) know anything about the german book series Hexe Lilli? I've recently been watching the television adaptation (which is, luckily, in english) on TVO and it's got me interested in the source material. Any english language versions of these books exist? Howabout english language fanpages or something?

Harry Potter Needs To Diet

When the first Harry Potter movie came out, I used to joke that I didn't want to see it because I didn't want to watch a movie about a guy who makes pots and doesn't shave. For some reason, anytime I visualised this joke (Sorry, "joke"), it always produced an image of a fat guy. Not sure why. It just seemed to fit.

So, now I call Harry Potter "Big Fat Harry Potter".

Why did I write about this? Well, when you ain't got nothing to write about, even THIS sounds good.

And Now Here's Something We Hope You'll Really Like!

YES!

Birthplace of a Miracle Worker

Y'know, I like Star Trek and Scotty quite a bit, but this is a bit much, ain't it?

Still, I'd rather see embarrassing fannish obsession to snarky jadedness. More upbeat.

Craptacular!

WrestleCrap has just recently updated their page. I don't normally mention stuff like this, but they've been updating fairly rarely lately (once a month), so an occassional reminder to check in isn't a bad thing. On top of that, for any of you who've never been there, it's plenty funny even if you don't like wrestling, so give it a look.

Oh, Happy Day! Two More Comments! Yay! Yay! Yay!

Holy moly cow! I go through a few months of blogging and get one comment (well, actually two. But one of them was from me). Then, just today alone, I get a whopping two more! Any bigtime blogers out there might think "Jeez, what a dork! All excited over two comments," but, for me, this is a big deal.

Thanks Brian and Lew. You've made my day.

You're Looking at Half A Republican!

I am: 51% Republican.

"Congratulations, you're a swing voter. When they say 'Nascar Dad', they mean you. Every Republican ad on the TV set was made just for your viewing pleasure. Don't you feel special?"

Are You A Republican?

I'm insulted. 51% Republican! What did I do to deserve a number that high? Please tell me, so I can undo it. Promptly.

I have to stop playing these online American political game things. They're depressing. Oh. And because I'm Canadian, but surely that can't matter.

Click here if you want want to also see how much of a Moron... I mean, Republican you are. Or get drunk. Same thing (well, drinking might be better for you).

Look At The Mess We Created

There's some serious heavy-thinking going down at Comicbook Resources forums about the history of a few X-men characters and concepts, specifically Jean Grey, Rachel Summers and the Phoenix Force. I've been participating in the discussion and so have some other knowledgeable X-men fans. Check it out... if you dare. It's a headache inducer. You've been warned.

My username there is magnus4001, in case you care.

Pointless Uselessness Revisited

Wow. Writing about nothing really kick-started my interest in blogging again!

Ultimate Brian (Or Bryan)

I was just thinking about the weird connection between Ultimate X-men and people named Brian (or some variation thereof). While the series' first writer was named Mark (Millar to those not in the know), he was succeeded by Brian Michael Bendis, who, after finishing his run, was replaced by Brian K. Vaughan. Soon, we'll be getting those much fabled issues written (or supervised or whatevered) by Bryan Singer (yes, THAT Bryan Singer). What up with this? Coincidence? Nepotism toward people named a certain way? Karma? An evil plot by Dr. Doom? How did this happen?! Something else to ask is: Who'll be following Singer's run? Will Vaughan return and maintain the Brian lineage. Will they get someone else named Bri(y)an? Will the next writer, whether he/she is a true Brian, officially change their name TO Brian if necessary to maintain the pattern? Will we get Brian Brubaker, Bryan Ellis or B. Michael Straczynski? Only time will tell.

Pointless (But Fun) Competition

Well, I've been cleaning up fairly nicely in some online competitions lately.

At Snark Free Waters there was a Battle of the Bands contest to see who could come up with a band that could possibly compete with this. Apparently my band came extremely close to getting the nod. Even better is that the band my guys lost to is amazing. I don't mind losing if it's to something this good. Check out the entries here (all of them were great, and I don't just mean the winner's and my own) and the results here.

Also, at the Code Lyoko forum at tv.com, there have been weekly-ish caption contests. The judge, Dylan, posts some pictures and we get to come up with funny stuff to write about them. Dylan picks his three favorite captions for each pictures and awards points to the writers. A running total of points is kept. This last week, the third contest ran and I'm already tied for second place in the running. Pretty good considering I missed the first contest and didn't place in the second. Click here to see the winners (You'll have to scroll down a bit). My tv.com username is magnus4001, by the way.

Pointless Uselessnes

Boy, having a blog sure can be fun when you've got stuff to write about. Unfortunately for me, I've been running dry this last little while.

Insomnia bites, by the way.

I Couldn't Make This Up If I Tried

Click here to read the bizarre story of a woman who inexplicably became a man overnight.

I'm especially enjoying the strongly-implied sexism on the part of all the Myanmaris (Or whatever a resident of Myanmar would be called). It's pretty clear being male is much preferable to being female in Myanmar.

I, Powdered Toastman, Promise to Relieve the American People of Their Basic Human Rights

Check it out! I'm in line to be commander in chief of the United States! And I'm not even American!

Click here to get in line!